Day 55 - The four 'Cs'!

"It may be a simple concept, but it takes practice and dedication to succeed" This was a quote from a book about an introduction to Buddism concepts that I'm reading at the moment. 

It's interesting and so applicable, not just to meditation, but to all areas of our life. What I thought I would share tonight, are 4 of the key points I focus on in dog training, as the more I think about life and journeys and dreams and goals, the more I realise it can be applied not just to dogs, but to us! And all areas of our lives too!

The four 'c's': 

Consistency - Choose what you are working on, make rules around this and stick to them. If it is something that affects your family, make sure you are all on the same page. And do the same thing every time. For example, if you choose to work on meditation, put aside time each day to practice. Small achievable steps. 

Calmness - Be calm with yourself, when you are learning something new. Be gentle and allow yourself a chance to learn, and not beat yourself up if you get it 'wrong'. If you get it 'wrong' stop, take a deep breath and try again. 

Confidence - Believe in yourself and do it with confidence. Self doubt will only lead to self sabotage and eventually you will give up. If you act with confidence, and determination, you will succeed purely because you will be able to cope with any hiccups or problemsyou occur on the way. 

Clarity - be clear with what you set out to achieve. I say write it down. Set a big goal, then break it down into small achievable steps are important. i.e. Today with my meditation I want to achieve a calm mind. Sometimes this will be possible, other times you may take a step back before you move forward. 

Any progress when you are learning something should be treated as a huge success! You will coast along sometimes learning so much and feel like you are progressing…then you'll hit a wall and feel like you are back at square one. But then if you remain consistent and keep plodding along, you will find that you will be back on the right path and continue to move forward. "A shuffle in the right direction is still morning forward"!

It's important when you hit a wall…or two…or three, that you remain focus on what you want to achieve. You will get there, and like I said "It may be simple, but it's not easy". 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Day 54

We all know the 'cliched' sayings that are meant to motivate us, or make things easier for us, but sometimes they just frustrate us more than they help us! The interesting thing about this is that they are sayings for a reason, and most of the time no matter how frustrating it is there is wisdom and a reason that they exist. 

What are these sayings?!

" Things happen for a reason"

"All good things come to an end" 

"Time heals all wounds" 

"A squeeky wheel gets the grease"

"Good things come to those that wait"

There are then sayings that have a much better scue on the 'norm'....

" The grass is greener where you water it." 

And some my favorite sayings of all time...

" A positive attitude may not save all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth your while!"

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got"

"If you think you are too small to be effective you have never been in the dark with one mosquito."

"Live, Laugh, Love"

"A good life is is when you smile often, dream big, laugh a lot and realised how blessed you are for what you have."

There are many many many more sayings that always help me through things and I think I'll dedicate another day to sharing some more. 

What are your favourites? Or the ones that are so unbelievably cliched but fit? Put them up around the house - remind yourself to smile and laugh!! :) Sayings can be a strong reminder of how to get through tough times, and reminds us how to live the good ones with grace and enjoyment. 

...Until Tomorrow xox

Day 53

"There are only two times in life: Now and Too Late". A fantastic book and a must read. 

The progress of accepting that we are mortal and so is everyone around you, is a challenging one. This book talks about not putting off the things that you want to do in life, because there really is only now or too late. We worry about what people think and there always seems to be something that holds us back from truly doing what we want to. 

WHAT STOPS YOU FROM DOING WHAT YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART IS THE RIGHT THING? 

Why? Why wait? If you knew that tomorrow was going to be 'too late' for everything what would you do / say / how would you act? I touched on this topic shortly after my accident. I don't say any of this to be morbid or to draw attention to the fact that we could die tomorrow. I say this because we are forever putting things off - I'll Call 'Mary' tomorrow, I'll arrange to visit my family in Scotland sometime, one day I'll move somewhere warm, I'll get there eventually... But we never seem to do it do we?!

START LIVING :)

I know that if it's not in my diary - it doesn't happen. My diary is colour coded. Pink= personal (appointments, birthdays, family time etc), Green = Nutrimetics, Orange = Playful Paws, Blue = Disability work etc. I have really started to abide by this - at the beginning of the week I reevaluate - what needs to be done, where can I do it etc. 

There are 6 aspects of your life that you need to consider:

1. Family & Home

2. Financial & Career

3. Spiritual & ethical

4. Physical & Health

5. Social & Cultural

6. Mental & Educational

No one can do any one thing 100%. What you can do though is apply yourself 100% at the time you are completing the task (whatever that may be). What is important to reflect on each area of your life. There is inevitably at least one area that is suffering. When I sat down (I actually just found them) 12 months ago to reflect on these areas, I noticed that 3. and 1. were lacking the most. I was driven, applied myself to training, to self-paced learning, to furthering my career & visiting friends but what I really lacked, was the downtime and spending quality time with family. 

WHAT IS LACKING IN YOUR LIFE??

I recommend sitting down and looking at the different areas of your life and working out which ones lack and working out how you can boost it up. I'm not saying cram more into the day, but be aware of where you are at and where you want to be. Perhaps this is writing individual goals for each of them. I know a lot of my friends are mothers and the comment so often said is "I don't have any time for myself" my answer would simply be to "find time" what good are you if you are not able to look after yourself. 

BE CREATIVE...

To have time for yourself may be to have a shower and sing along to your favourite song. Make a permanent lunch date with your grandma, have a family movie night, have a cooking day, read a self-help book, and DREAM! And put an action plan in place. :) Good Luck!

...Until Tomorrow xox

Day 52 - Disappointed and Active Listening

What makes disappointment easier? When do we learn somewhere along the way that it's not ok to be disappointed? That "she'll be right" or "it wasn't meant to be" or "maybe next time" or "it'll all work out"? 

I know I have spoke about this previously, but being disappointed is ok and a part of life. You know really what being disappointed means? Is that you wanted something so so so bad. And that's a good thing! Remember what I talked about yesterday? About success? If you focus on what you really want, you will have disappointments along the way, before you get there. 

How are we allowed to feel disappointed without being judged or forced to focus on the positive? The only way I can see that works is to sit with it. Be ok with feeling disappointed. Tell the people around you that "I'm disappointed, I know that everything will turn out ok, but right now I just need to be disappointed". How would you react if someone asked that of you? Probably affronted. We all have our 'go to' saying..."don't worry" or "you're ok". Which for the most part are said with love and are ok to hear in most cases. But sometimes it's all too much. You really need someone to say "that's crap" or better yet, pat you on the shoulder so you know they are there and then be quiet. 

How hard is it to do that when someone you love is hurting, or disappointed? Active listening is a fantastic skill, that unfortunately most people don't have it. What is active listening? It is listening to what someone is saying actively - of course!! Paying attention to what someone is really telling you, providing eye contact, and open body language, and a non-judgemental ear. When you are really truly listening to someone you can repeat what they are talking about directly back. Not thinking about a response, how you may have been or going through something similar or simply on whats for dinner. 

You can tell when someone is not really listening to you - the glazed eyes, or looking past you or on a tv or watching someone else, fidgeting, or interrupting you. The other thing a lot of people do is nod! They nod as a sign that they are listening - but in my experience if you asked them what you were saying and how you actually feel they wouldn't grasp it. If they are awesome at multi-tasking, they may be able to repeat what you said - but not understand the reason behind what you are saying. 

Does this all make sense? If you want someone to actively listen, set both of you up for a win - do it at a time when there are less distraction, tell them that you just want to talk and are not asking for any opinions and go in with an open mind - if you want someone to actively listen to you - you need to be prepared to do it back. If after your chat you don't think you can - say can we talk tomorrow. It is better for both of you for you to be fresh and be able to actively listen, rather than thinking about how your chat went etc. 

Now it's time to practice. Catch yourself when you are talking to someone - do you randomly nod at them while thinking about what you need to get at the shops? Do you stare at them vaguely and not really hear what they are saying? Do you jump in with your personal experiences in a similar situation? 

Phew, big topic!

...Until Tomorrow xox

Day 51

Do you know what's really interesting?! Recently I have started adding a topic name to my day, ie Day 50 - Driving...as a reminder to myself of what I have written about previously..but people have stopped reading it!! Not that I am writing this purely for other people, but it just goes to show that we all skim over things...if it doesn't initially grab our eye, why bother right?! But how do you ever know that what you open and read may change your life or have relevance to someone in your life at some point? 

Don't let anyone dull your sparkle..

As a writer of a blog now, I know that I need to be a bit more conscious of what I put in my title..or perhaps I should keep the mystery and not write it, I mean it's not going to be a "bad" thing if I repeat myself is it?  My favourite saying in dog training is... "A positively reinforced behaviour is more likely to occur again." and the more you reinforce a behaviour, the more it will occur... SO... if I repeat myself, it's purely for your benefit in changing your habits to better ones!! :) 

Your state of mind hugely affects how you enjoy life and how successful and productive you are. If you are positive, and motivated and determined you will achieve all of your dreams and goals and not let life's little hurdles deter you or set you back. Someone who is successful knows that you do not get that way without set backs, and it is in these set backs that you find your true strength and determine whether you will succeed. 

"Success seems to be connected with action. 

Successful people keep moving

They make mistakes, 

But they keep moving."

Success is relative and it's important to remember that your success may be very different to the person sitting next to you or your family or friends. Some people determine their success by physical items, some my monetary, others by personal fulfilment. Regardless of how someone determines their success, you can tell that someone is "successful" because of how they hold themselves, they have that air about them. They walk into a room and everyone turns to them, and wants to hear how they 'did it'. 

Success is not the key to happiness.Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

I believe that everybody has the capacity to be successful in whatever they choose to be. I think the big key is not to loose the ability to dream. If you have a dream, you can do anything - and chances are WILL do anything to achieve it. All you need is the ability to deal with the set backs, determination, listening to your "good" thoughts and not letting others drag you down. People who want to be involved in your life will be, all you need to do is be strong and not loose sight of what and why you are doing what you do so well!!

"Success isn't how much money you make. It's the difference you make in people's lives" Michelle Obama

So...set yourself up to be successful! What do you want? What life do you want to lead? Only you can answer these and make it happen! Good LucK!

...Until Tomorrow xox

*Sorry about the lack of images...Trying to work out how to put images on with my iPad! (any suggestions welcomed!!)

Day 50 - Driving

Driving. Something most of us do without thinking. We fall into bad or naughty habits and as a result can put other people at risk. 

I was thinking a lot about this the other day. I am slowly building up my confidence behind the wheel again, and feel like I did when I was 18. You know…hands at 10 and 2, thumbs not wrapped around the wheel, mirror checks every 3 seconds, speedo check…etc But what it has made me is a better driver. Although I am still driving around 80 (100kmh is just too much of a push at the moment) I feel as though I am safer and more controlled on the road. 

But…driving at 80 makes other people frustrated…they sit right on my tail, they flash their lights and beep their horns. I'm not sure what they think that will achieve…I don't take any notice…other than to take a deep breath and ignore them. I also use to get a bit frustrated when people didn't drive the speed limit, but I would always keep a safe distance. 

When you are that person, who is frustrated…just remember that if I were to stop suddenly…you would most likely crash into the back of me, endangering both of us. Will getting to where you are going 1minute earlier help you on your journey? Probably not. If it will, YOU haven't allowed yourself enough time to get there. So YOU need to leave earlier to allow for any minor delays. 

I want to make you aware that you have no idea what someone has been through or is going through. Not just in regards to driving, but that's what my example is tonight. I drive at 80kmh because I had a high speed car accident where I was told that I could of died and am still physically recovering from. You aren't meant to know what everyone is going through, but have some empathy and respect for other people. 

Next time someone is driving more slowly than you like, or has pulled over in an awkward position, or needs to stop suddenly - stop and ask yourself why. They may be having a terrible day or are unwell or…(the options are endless) But it will make you less grumpy at the fact AND make you a more curtious and safe driver. 

An accident can happen to anyone - that's why they are called an accident. But if you can lessen your chances by driving safely, respectfully and by knowing the road rules - why wouldn't you? Something I have learnt is that saying "it won't happen to me" is ludicrous, and whilst something like this may not affect you directly, chances of it affecting a family member or close friend are quite high. 

Be the person that you want to see on the road. If we all drive this way, hopefully we will see less accidents. Stay off your phone, focus on driving not on what you need to cook for dinner and remember that there are other people on the road who may be affected by your unsafe driving. 

A heavy topic for tonight, but hopefully worthwhile. 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Day 49 - reliving positive moments

There are times in life that you want or need to repeat over and over. I am a hopeless romantic (as discussed previously) and just had to rewatch a scene in greys anatomy where a guy had a flash mob to propose to his girlfriend. It was really cute and sweet. And a feel good moment (some may roll their eyes and say it's "mushy" - but we all see these moments in something…could be watching romantic moments, laughing hard at a comedy, watching animal documentaries, or car renos…)

We often waste the time replaying the 'not positive' scenes in our own live. You all know the ones…where you worry about whether you should of said something differently, or did you say something that offended someone, or was your behaviour terrible, or did you remember  to do everything correctly, or that part of the speech you missed, or the fact you said 'um' 50 times in a sentence, or that you didn't do something that you said you would, or the time in the race you entered was no where near your best…the list goes on. Yes we are very good at being our own worst critics, not so good at reliving the positive, fun moments. 

Why is it that the positive moments are replayed fleetingly, the negative ones are marathons? Played over and over? Just what would happen if we reversed that? Instead of wasting our time on what went wrong or what we could of done differently and on what went right and how awesome we were? :) 

I like to think of our memories as movie reels..we should access and rewatch them…or we'll forget them. If we only focus on the negative ones, we'll only remember those ones. A bit like everything else in life, if we practice enough we will see the positives in every moment.

I had the best day / night today. Spent time with mum and dad. Then tonight made pizzas, watched a movie and had facials with my sister, niece and nephew. These are one of the moments I want to relive. The fun ones, the ones that will make you giggle and smile when you think of them!

So I hope you have all made some of those memories this weekend and can practice reliving them! :)

…Until Tomorrow xox