Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Day 219

I've been at home sick for 2 days - about to head off to the doctor. I haven't been at work - not because I couldn't, but because I don't want to make other people sick! I've been thinking a lot about my accident lately - it could be because of the 12 month anniversary, or just because. I lay in bed this morning trying to summon up enough energy to make myself a cup of tea. 

Memories flooded back to about a year ago, where moving was so painful and such a hinderance that I'd often not worry about having a cup of tea! I started reflecting on the constant pain, the disappointment of the hospital and not knowing what was wrong with me. I am so focussed on the now and even the future, that I forget to stop and look at how far I have come. 

It actually annoys me a little when people say that to me 'look how far you've come'. Because for me, living with pain, being uncomfortable and not being able to do what I want, is continuous. It hasn't stopped just because I can now walk without a limp. What a lot of people see - and I don't blame them - is where I was 12 months ago and compare it to where I am today. If you were to do this - there is a dramatic change! And that is something I need to stop to remind myself too occasionally. 

I think the hardest thing about this experience is trying to get your head around the fact that you may never go back to how you were before the accident. Yes my body might get it's fitness back - yes I might be able to run again. But something has changed deep inside of me. The ability to see life as fragile and instant and that it can be taken away from you at a minutes notice. I will continue to look at life very differently after being on planet WTF (as my psychologist calls it!) And as a result probably live life differently to how I would of had this not happened. 

...Until Tomorrow xox

Friday, May 22, 2015

Day 218

What I've noticed about motivation is that for some people it comes naturally, for others its really difficult. But something else I have noted, is when you have so much to get done in a day that you have no other choice but to get up and get start, you not only accomplish what you HAD to, but you start doing other tasks that you previously needed to...Like cleaning your sock drawer after a task-filled day! 

It's interesting to note that even people where motivation comes naturally they still will struggle, so what I've found useful - as I have never struggled for motivation - is to have a solid end goal in mind. What is it that you want to accomplish? How badly do you want it? You can do anything in the same hours of the day that anyone else can. Do you use them productively towards your end goal? 

Which leads me on to productivity. This I find so fascinating and when floundering for motivation, you have lost sight of your end goal. Which is why I always squeeze in at least 5 minutes a day to reflect on the day, and if I am closer to my goals because of what I have done in the day. Also, at times just resting is paramount to achieving your goals!!

For example, if your end goal is to own your own business, run a marathon and train your dog to fetch a beer out of the fridge and at the end of the day you realise you have spent 2 hours on your computer, 2 hours driving, 8hours at work, 1 hour cooking - are you any closer to any of those goals? Nope! But tomorrows a new day! You might reflect back and have done a 10km run, walked the dog and completed some training, worked 8hours, driven 2 hours, spent a productive hour on the computer researching and developing business strategies and sat down for a lovely meal with the family. Still the same amount of time - just used differently. 

How can you use your time differently to be a step closer to your goals??

...Until Tomorrow xox

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Day 217

Everyone you meet has a story. Everyone you come in contact with has a past. Generally it's made up of some positive and some not so positive - or tough moments - all which have shaped who they are in the moment you met them. We live in such a judgemental world. Whereby we mostly judge the people that cross our paths in the circumstances that we meet them. 

For example, if someone you work with does not have a high work ethic, you judge them on that, and say 'we wouldn't be friends outside of work'. Yet outside of work they may be the most social, fun person that you click with. When someone crosses your path in one circumstance, it is wise not to cross them off entirely and to perhaps open yourself to the possibility of crossing paths again in a different way. For you never know the impact someone can have on your life. 

We often waste so much energy not liking someone, or judging them that we become exhausted and there is no energy left to actually like or possibly love them. It actually require less energy to like someone than it does to dislike them. So when you wake up tomorrow put a smile on your face and stop judging others and particularly yourself. If you catch yourself judging, stop and rephrase what you are saying or thinking. Is it helpful? If not let it go. 

...Until Tomorrow xox

Day 216

What do you do when you get so angry that you see red and all the blood drains out of your cheeks and all you want to do is swear and scream?? I say, allow yourself to be angry…vent a little (in a healthy way). Do something that relieves the feeling – run, scream, yell, sing etc. Then once you have gotten over the initial anger…chances are you almost want to laugh at the situation…well maybe in time.

Tonight I went to an ultrasound appointment at 850pm at the hospital (yes the same hospital that I have had issues with previously – particularly after my accident). I was told on three separate occaisions (one on voicemail) that my appointment was at 850pm. On arrical to the hospital the doors to xray were closed.

So I went to casualty who knew nothing about the appointment, and called the manager of the hospital, who also knew nothing about it.  I went back in to my car and searched for the voicemail  (I was starting to think that perhaps I had it wrong and it was meant to be at 850am) but lo and behold is said 850pm, so I thought I’d return the call on the number they provided me, just in case I was in the wrong area of the hospital…It went to emergency!

So I fumed and got angry. The last thing I wanted to be doing on a Tuesday night at 9pm was wandering around a hospital, 25minutes from home…without having my appointment that so far I have waited 6weeks for.

I am starting to see the funny-ish side…but am still too annoyed and frustrated toreally be able to laugh! I’ll feel better after a sleep I’m sure.

…Until Tomorrow xox

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Day 215

I read a lot about having balance in your life - between the different areas of your life. Today I realised it's not about spending equal time in each area of your life everyday, but making the most of the time that you do invest. For example when you are having quality family time, you are not taking work calls (all of the time), or when you are having quality personal time, you are not wasting it. 

I have had an amazing weekend, I worked a bit, I visited family and friends, i practiced ukulele, spent time with my animals and laughed and forgot about work whilst I was doing the other things. It's not until recently I realised no matter what I was doing - I always was somewhere else, i.e. talking to friend whilst thinking about work, at work thinking about other work, with family thinking about boyfriend..etc

Quality time is being fully in the moment, and appreciating every little thing. It's not about the big things - its about the million little things. Like a spontaneous hug, or a shared joke, or laughing until you almost or do wet yourself, or the funny mannerisms. Quantity time when your mind is elsewhere does not make up for it. You are better to spend an hour and really pay attention, than 1 day and being doing or thinking about other things. 

Do you live fully in the moment? Do you appreciate quality time? 

...Until Tomorrow xox

Friday, May 8, 2015

Day 214

The importance of having rest and down time to yourself is often overlooked, especially when life gets 'busy'. It's really interesting to me, as we develop habits - generally ones that get us to where we want to be quicker, such as grabbing a take-away coffee (or making one in a cool thermo cup) so we can walk / drive somewhere else. 

We are the masters of juggling many tasks all at the same time. How do you feel when you drop one of the tasks? Not good I bet, I feel terrible. And to use the words of one of my clients with a disability 'did the world just crash? did you just die?' If not, then it wasn't that dramatic!! So how in our busy life can we develop habits that can incorporate this way of thinking, whilst also looking after ourselves? 

Get up 30mins early and do one thing entirely for yourself. Go for a walk. Meditate. Breathe. Just lay still. I hear you gasp - 30mins earlier? What about sleep?? Look after yourself. Stop spending countless time on your phone or watching TV. Go read a book and go to sleep at a reasonable hour. Rest is crucial to helping lead a calm life. 

One thing I have been doing lately - as I have just calculated the ridiculous hours I have been working - eep, I can't say them out loud!! Haha! Is to lay completely still and charge myself in the morning. I just breathe and as I'm breathing I am adding energy - you can look at it anyway you like. Sometimes I am breathing in golden happy bright light - other times I am watching a fuel cell slowly fill with energy other times I am just breathing - with a blank image. Then I take a few moments to plan my day - and make a promise to myself to only do one thing at a time. 

My partner says - you never seem to be watching the movie, you're always doing something else... well, this blog isn't about being perfect all the time! It's about recognising certain things and working on building a beautiful life. (notice it's not a perfect life?!) So I will continue to make mistakes, and learn from them. And identify the habits that are working against my overall aim, and figure out a way to change or do something alternate. 

What do you do to recharge? Have down time? 

...Until Tomorrow xox

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Day 213

Yesterday I left the blog talking how does someone feel after their life being turned upside down a year later? If you were to ask me how I feel the answer would be ‘fine’. Not because I want to brush you off. But because the real answer is so hard to explain that it would require a few pots of tea, some scones and a warm fire to adequately describe. But I will try.

I mourn parts of the life I had before my accident. The ease at which I could do things – the running, the energy for anything, the driving (or more importantly being a passenger), the balancing of doing lots of different things. The main thing is having energy and strength in my body. 

However I am also thankful, had I not have had a huge shake up - an accident - I would of continued to live my life in a haze of 'doing' and going from job to job in an anxious way, without having a view of the end goal. I now view the world with fragility, we are only on this world for such a short amount of time that we need to do the things that make us fulfilled and realise we need to spend time with the ones we love. This could stop at any point in time. 

I am so grateful to be on the mend - to have goals, dreams, aspirations and beautiful friends and family to share them with. Being grateful for every breath and every opportunity is refreshing and beautiful. 
Whilst I now am working even a bit more than I was than when I had my accident, I am doing it for a short time, with an end goal in mind. I have learnt to stop putting off things, as life is too short to wait for a special time. 

Tell the ones you care about that you love them. Enjoy every time you can laugh and let yourself be yourself. Take pleasure in the little things. Make sure you live in some sort of balance. Do what makes YOU happy and YOUR heart sing.

…Until Tomorrow xox