Friday, October 31, 2014

Day 137

Change. Some of us thrive on it. Some of us resist it. Some of us resent it. Some of us look to hold on to the known. Change and the unknown is a scary and sometimes stressful. In the end though, change is an important part of growing and developing as a person. 

The stronger that you resist change, the harder it is to lead a happy and fulfilling life. It also will leave you living in the past and not be on the forefront of life - in whatever capacity. I was told earlier this year by an astrologer that this year would be the 'survival of the fittest' where those that could not adapt to the changing world would be left behind. Has this happened? Are you living in the past resisting the changes that are occurring around you? 

Change does happen - quite often on a daily basis. We change what we wear, eat, do etc. On a bigger scale we may move, change jobs, get married or have a life changing experience such as a car accident or being diagnosed with a disease. Sometimes change occurs without us even realising it, because it doesn't directly affect us. I was driving along a road (which I drive frequently to / from work) that there has been roadworks for months. When suddenly I realise they have made the lane wider and I have been driving on the new piece of the road. Change had happened, but because it didn't directly affect me I didn't notice or 'resist' it until it had already happened. 

This analogy is good to apply to life. Often we will be resisting something (sometimes without even realising it) where we would be better off to just let it run it's course and reflect after it has happened. We generally put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make a decision about change - but really it is already happening or has already happened, all we need to do is allow it. 

Only we can allow something changing to impact negatively on our lives. For after all change will happen REGULARLY, as soon as we accept that, we will be able to continue to move forward. Whether that be in the same capacity - or CHANGE the way we continue. Don't give away your power. Choose to accept that it will happen. 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Day 136

It's interesting how initially when you want or need to let something or someone go, it hurts like crazy and is so incredibly hard to do it. Then one day you wake up and realise that everything you have done to let go has worked and you are at the beginning of your new chapter. 

When we are in the process of letting something go - no matter how hard we try not to think about it, or we focus our energy on something else, we can't help but to think of it..ALL THE TIME! It's a bit like being told not to touch wet paint - we all have to see if it is wet, even if the sign says it is!! We waste so much of our energy pushing something away or resisting the fact that it is time to let something go, that it's no wonder we get so tired! 

When faced with 'letting go' - and it happens so often - daily sometimes. I've learnt a few things that have been very helpful to me for letting go, and in life in general!

1. Sit with the feeling - it's ok to not be ok and to be feeling crap / angry / sad / devastated. 

2. Look after yourself - you are the only one who will always be with you. Eat well and sleep enough, exercise physically and mentally. 

3. Surround yourself with people that pick you up - don't be afraid to let go of the ones that drag you down.

4. Meditate. If that's too hard, sit still for 10minutes everyday. 

5. Do ONE thing at a time - multi-tasking only means you are doing many things not very well. Being "busy" does not make you forget what you are letting go of. 

6. Write a retrospective to do list at the end of the day. 

7. When feeling overwhelmed, break it down into achievable steps. 

8. The longer you put something off, the worse you will feel. Do it straight away, then cross it off the list. Things that hand over your head only weigh you down. 

9. Reflect and be grateful of all the amazing things in your life - REGULARLY

10. Do things you wouldn't normally do. 

11. Act like you are on holidays - even when you're not!!

12. Talk if you need to, but there is a time when you need to be silent. 

13. Be open to meeting new people and learning new things. 

14. Be in control of your own life - know where you are heading!

15. Say "YES"!

16. Laugh at yourself frequently 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Day 135

How often people are in such a hurry, or are so caught up in their own minds, that they do not realise the impact they are having on someone else. This is a broad statement, and I had a few example of this today. The first was I was waiting for my specialist appointment (sitting in the car) and someone parked next to me in a brand new commodore - I think she was rushing to her appointment - she threw open her door, it slammed against my car and off she ran without a backward glance. 

I was a bit angry, then when I got out of the car in the pouring rain to have a look, my trusty 'Rat' (car) was fine, no dents. But that was beside the point. Then I started thinking as I continued to wait, how often do we nonchalantly do something, like this, and not think about how it may impact someone else. We live in such an individualised driven world, where we are so focussed on what we are doing / getting / working, we don't often stop to take a look around us. 

The other thing that happened today was I was waiting in line to be served for lunch and everyone was "busy" and avoided my eye contact. Then there was an older woman who was running around taking, bagging and handing out orders. I was watching her thinking, wow she is good at her job..then there was a younger girl who was folding serviettes, oblivious to customers waiting. I'm sure we have all experienced this at one time or another. But rather than get frustrated at not being served, I simply watched the human behaviour and interaction - a bit like David Attenborough. 

I think the big lesson from today, is to stop, take a breath and look around us. There is after all a much bigger picture. 

…Until Tomorrow

Monday, October 27, 2014

Day 134

Saturday was a BIG day - a dog expo for my dog business, then an Nutrimetics fundraiser for breast cancer. (So much so I kept falling asleep whilst trying to write this!) What was interesting for me, was that I realised how hard it is for most people to accept help - even if they ask for it. 

I had the help on Saturday of so many beautiful and wonderful people, yet at the end of the day, all I felt was sad and guilty that I couldn't spend as much time with them as I could. Now having had a few days to reflect, the time and support they gave me was a GIFT to me. And like everything else, when you receive a gift you say thank you and you appreciate it, and leave it at that. 

It's challenging though, as a strong person, to accept that you need help and to ask someone for it. We want to be so strong to everyone all the time, which simply is not practical nor feasible. It's ok to need help, and often the ones that are least likely to ask, when they do ask you are more inclined to help and offer support. You realise that they only ever ask for it when they really need it. How do you ask for help though? Say it out loud and be clear with what you need. 

You will never receive what you are wanting, without asking for it. And if someone asks if you are ok, it is good to practice saying if you are not. Or if someone offers to give you a hand or help you, to accept gracefully. We don't need to be strong all the time. Or juggle a million things at once. Or do everything ourselves. It's ok to let someone assist us. And practice saying thank you gracefully without over doing it. (You don't want to scare them off from helping you next time!) 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Friday, October 24, 2014

Day 133

I was thinking today, about how most people will look at what they haven't done or what they did wrong, or the 'negative' comments / thoughts others do / say. Rather than on what they have accomplished or the positive things that have happened. This is almost a default behaviour in most people. 

I have been working a lot on focussing on the positive. However there are some days that your default 'negative thinking' behaviour creeps in, and generally you get worried or a bit down on something that is meaningless to the other person.  Where does this 'innate' behaviour come from - why is it a default behaviour amongst society? 

I had a quick chat with my sister about this. And it poses for a much longer conversation I think. We discussed the possibility of the 'negative' posing danger and it originally a fight for survival - so you would focus on the negative in order to change your behaviour to survive. Thereby it eventually becoming a survival of the fittest. 

But if this hypothesis is correct - how has it evolved that negative feelings are so pronounced? And that worrying about someone saying something nasty or what you said to someone is assisting you to change your behaviour. Quite often (unless you have  a lot of practice and determination) changes in behaviour don't occur after worrying about something. so it's not a simple case of negative - worrying - change in behaviour / a better outcome. Instead it becomes more of negative - worrying - worrying. We get caught up in the same loops. 

I guess being aware of the loop at all is a start and then when you are in that negative - worrying state think about how you can change your behaviour. Where did the innate change in behaviour go to though? When did it stop being innate and start to have to be a conscious decision we make? 

It is a conscious decision to make now. So we are all on the path of positive thinking and changing our thought patterns. Good Luck! :) 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Day 132

"If you want something done, give it to a busy person". I heard this for the first time over the weekend. So I've been thinking about it a bit over the past few days. Benjamin Franklin was the first to say this in the 1700s. Interesting, isn't that, although many things may have changed since then, human behaviour isn't one! 

I started to think about the meaning of this, and why it is so prevalent. I even asked a few people, and they all said they would ask something more of those that appeared "busy" (which is only a concept after all..) and overlook those that had a lot of 'extra time'. When asked why - the response varied but all along the lines of 'it will get done' and 'they can handle it'. How fascinating! 

So why..? I think that a 'busy' person is very good at time management and is often working on many projects with schedules and will seize any window of time as an opportunity to get things completed. This comes back to what I have discussed previously about working to shorter timeframes to get things done, and quite often effectively too. Which is why so many of us always left our school assignments to 'the last minute'. Also someone that has a lot to do, will not waste as much time procrastinating!

I started to think about my friends and acquaintances. Which were they? And also what was I? Was I the person that would be asked to do something because they knew it would get done? In the end though, it doesn't matter. What is important is

that you get the things that you need to be done completed, regardless of whether or not you accept something from someone else.

..Until Tomorrow xox

Monday, October 20, 2014

Day 131

“Do what you need to do” or “Do what makes YOU happy”. I ONE HUNDRED percent agree with this. I think in order to lead a fulfilled and happy life you do need to do what your heart tells you is right.

Sometimes though, in life we are faced with decisions that we know are right for ourselves, but will disappoint or hurt someone else by making them. Unfortunatley this puts you in a difficult position. Do you do something so they are not disappointed? Or do you listen to yourself and do what you need to? In an ideal world, we all know what we need to do. But it is so difficult, especially if you are a people pleaser.

Since my accident there have been many things I have had to pass up on / give up in order to listen to my body and let it rest. It is sooo hard for me. At the moment I am wanting to move forward but my body is not allowing me to. What is most challenging is I look fine on the outside – I look ‘healed’. So when I explain – not that you should have to – why I cannot do something, I get a strange look – a “But you are all better and can do anything” look.

Most of the time I do not go into the nitty gritty explanations of how and why. Sometimes I feel that someone does want more details. Then it comes to my next point. When you are making decisions for yourself, you do not need to explain why you are making them to anyone else. My mum gave an example the other day, about how with one of her friends she feels bad and will go for a coffee with her. Then one day mum asked her around for a coffee and her friend said “No Thank You”. That’s it. No explanation, just a polite decline.

I think what gets most of us in trouble is the non-committal. The “maybe” or “perhaps”. It gives the other person the presumption that you will go. If you make a decision – whichever way – make it early, stick to it and honor it. This goes across the board for any decisions. And sometimes, someone, somewhere will be disappointed with your decision. But that’s ok.

…Until Tomorrow xox

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Day 130

I started thinking about digestion tonight (mainly because I have some tummy problems) and how everything we consume, takes it's time going through our digestive tract where the good bits are absorbed and the not-so-good bits are eliminated. Then I started thinking about how this can pertain to information that we receive. 

Information is being received all the time, every second. Visually - what you are seeing, what is in your periphery, colours, shapes, textures. Tactilely - what the chair feels like, textures etc. Smell - flowers, linen, animals, cooking. Hearing - subtle and obvious sounds - birds, trucks, heater, tv, music. And then of course orally - what you are putting in, what it tastes like etc. All of this is happening as you read this. Information is being sent to your brain constantly - no wonder it's tiring when you're awake!

What really got me when I started on this train of thought though was that we often don't allow ourselves time to process the information we are given. Of course through all of our senses, but the one that I didn't mention was our mental state - what our thoughts are telling us - how we are feeling. Like our digestive system, we should take the time to process information let it 'digest' so to speak, hold on to the good stuff and let go of the not-so-good stuff. 

This is what I have been talking about lots throughout this blog - focussing on the good and positive and acknowledging and letting go of the negative. I thought that this was an interesting way to look at it though and it makes it easier for me to associate digesting information with something that is a physical and factual. 

So, really we should allow ourselves time to digest information. Those who struggle to say no can take this and use it to allow themselves time to come to a decision - "Can I get back to you on that, I need some time to think" aka digest!

Mmm…Food for thought (excuse the pun!) 

…Until Tomorrow xox 

Friday, October 17, 2014

Day 129

I was thinking today about how there are many things that life teaches us along the way…teaches us how to 'conform' - have a job, pay the bills, buy a house etc. Teaches us that being different is unusual, It teaches us to 'live our dream' and be positive, but not the skills or reinforcement to do so. 

So what have I been learning as my blog goes on? I thought it might be a great day to stop and reflect so far the positive helpful things that I have learnt thus far. 

1. Self development is continual and very important to do daily

2. Laughing at yourself is imperative

3. Be specific with your goals and work step-by-step to achieve them

4. Be yourself, if someone doesn't like it, they shouldn't be in your life

5. Who you surround yourself with impacts on your mood, motivation and success, so choose carefully

6. Letting go is difficult. When one door closes another one opens wider.

7. Be honest with yourself

8. Be accountable for your actions and behaviour

9. Say 'no' to things that aren't going to help you achieve your goals or dreams

10. Take a holiday regularly

11. Have a pyjama day at least once a week

12. Be kind to yourself

13. It's ok to have a bad day, let yourself - tomorrow is a new fresh day

14. Take notice of what is around you - sounds, smells, sights etc

15. Make sure you smile a lot

16. Compliment strangers 

17. Be thankful to people - cafe workers, check out attendants, fuel attendants, EVERYONE!

18. Remember that everyone has a story and to be compassionate

19. Negative emotions are a part of you - low feelings, sadness, frustration, anxiety, anger etc. Sit with them and allow yourself to feel and let go. 

20. Meditate everyday. Eat food that nourishes you. Exercise lots. Sit in the sun. Play with your pets. 

21. Spend quality time with your family

22. Procrastination will happen, if you have something to do, put it on a short timeframe and remove yourself from any distraction. 

23. Reflect regularly on what you have to be grateful for

It's funny, as I am writing down what I have learnt, I just want to keep writing!! None of the above things will come easily and some may feel very hard some days, but as long as you continue to work on them, each day will get easier, and one day you will find that they have become a part of you and you couldn't imagine your day without them. 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Thursday, October 16, 2014

DAY 128

Today has been one of 'those' days. Everyone knows the one I'm talking about! But instead of focussing on all of the things that went wrong (including re-hurting my knee/foot) - I wanted to end the day looking at all of the things I have to be grateful for today. I invite you to take some time as well to think about your day and what went RIGHT or is good, instead of the opposite.

For me today: 
1. I had a giggle because I forgot my underwear when I went swimming…
2. I hit my head on the hand-holdy thing in the bus and snapped my sunnies in 2 (I never liked those sunnies anyway!!)
3. I went swimming.
4. I got to play with puppies at dog training tonight
5. My niece and nephew came and helped at dog training
6. I have lovely friends who listen to my rants
7. My boyfriend called tonight
8. I had hugs!
9. I took photos

…Most importantly….TEA and BUDDY (my dog) cuddles! 

We all get in those moods or have days where motivation is low and everything that could, does go wrong. And it's those days where we focus so much more on the negative things. But we should be focussing on the positive even more - then we would be able to turn the day around or at least be able to see the positive in the day, where you thought there were none. 

It's surprising too, that the more you think about the good that happened in the day, the more you want to continue to write and think of even more. That is the personality trait that we should nurture is this one. I think it is important to acknowledge if you feel crap or angry, but to be able to move on and remain positive is an amazing trait - and one that not everyone has mastered - YET! 

As I've said before though…practice makes perfect!

…Until Tomorrow xox

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Day 127

I want to be myself again! This newer version of me I love - less preoccupied with what I SHOULD be doing and more proactive (well..most of the time). But I am missing exercise, health and muscle tone. When I say this to people I get the response - "You don't look like you've put on any weight" or "I'm surprised you've stayed the same size".

What I guess I mean by this is before my accident I was fit, toned and healthy - the best fitness I have been at, and very happy to be there. I was happy with my body and my muscle tone and most of all the strength and energy that came with it. I was motivated and ready to go. Now, although technically I still weigh the same, and my clothes still fit, I feel untoned and squishy. I keep getting told that it could be worse, and that I'm lucky and I'll get it back. 

I agree with them, and know that I will get it all back - because I'm determined! But what I would love to do is explain how debilitating it is to have something you have worked SO incredibly hard for, ripped away from you from under your nose without a say. I mean if you had built a business from scratch, had pride in it and it was at the best it had ever been before one day, then the next you had nothing. How would you feel? 

This by far, is the thing I have found the hardest. I am exhausted after doing little things, I don't have as much energy to do the amount of exercise I want, the medication I am on for my nerve pain side effects  are horrible (night terrors, bloating, lack of motivation, weight gain etc). The other thing I think is hard about all of this is that when I try to talk to people about how I am feeling, I actually don't think I am truly understood. This is not just something that is wanted. It is something that is needed. And something that I worked damn hard to achieve. 

When I was first told by the psychologist I was an 'athlete' and I was grieving, I sort of had a little chuckle. Me an athlete??! But the longer I go without proper exercise and the more I am unable to do what I love, the more I understand this whole concept. 

Yesterday's blog about listening and today's have a similar theme. When someone is concerned, upset, worried etc by something, listening without putting in your opinion is so important. Often we want to put in filling words like "Don't worry" or "It will be ok" or "It could be worse" or "Keep your chin up". Most of the time, these are not needed and only make the person feel worse (like they shouldn't be feeling the way that they are).

Next time you are put into that situation, just listen, and let them say how they are feeling.

…Until Tomorrow xox

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Day 126

Today has been a big day…another specialist appointment for my knee. Then I went along to a managers meeting for Nutrimetics (I felt a little like an imposter, because I am not YET a manager..soon enough though!)! So it was a big, but fun and productive day also. We spent a bit of time doing some self-development regarding listening. 

We played chinese whispers - so much fun, what a laugh! But the fascinating fact was that the message was altered, changed, forgotten, lost along the line. Interesting because when you pass on a message to someone to pass on a message, you can never be certain the initial message will be passed on correctly. I know I have spoken before about ACTIVE listening, where you are truly engaged in what someone is saying - which actually is VERY rare! In addition to what I have written about previously - we listened to a short clip from TED regarding listening (you can watch it here…

What I found really good and is something I will definitely try, is finding the joy in mundane noises that you hear all the time - but 'tune out'. Unfortunately this can be referred to with conversations with people "did you just hear what I said?" and 'selective hearing' and the worst one where someone's voice becomes 'white noise'. 

Over the years the best listening tips I have learnt and come across is:

1. Give someone your undivided attention - when you are talking to them, make sure you are not 'multi tasking'

2. Never call someone when your mind is preoccupied

3. Ask someone to repeat back what you have said in their own words - to make sure they have grasped what you had said (don't ask "Do you understand")

4. Body language is so important - lean toward them, have eye contact, nod, smile (appropriately), make sure you are not tapping the table with your fingers, or feet or have your arms crossed

5. Make sure you get out all of your yawns before talking with them

6. Listen to the whole of what someone is telling you - not just their words. 

7. If you are having a serious conversation, clear any distractions and go to a comfortable place

8. Make sure you listen to yourself as well

9. Clarify you have heard correctly "So what you are saying is…."

10. When the urge to tell "your experience" when talking with someone, close your mouth tight and resist. You never know what someone else's story will teach you. 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Monday, October 13, 2014

Day 125

A series of events lead me to drive tonight on a dark, windy, country road. It was raining and eerie and all things that pointed to a horror movie. Whilst I was driving I thought to myself, what if an unmarked police car started flashing their lights at me to pull over? Would you pull over? 

I wouldn't, I would continue driving until I reached a well lit town with people around. What if the unmarked car was actually a serial killer? I know my imagination is running away crazily, but what else is there to do when you are alone driving? AND I am sure that I am not the only one who has wondered this. Is it ok to continue driving until you feel safe to pull over? What are the rules? 

I don't know and can't seem to find them. But what it lead me onto thinking about was intuition. If you trust what you are feeling, it can never lead you wrong. If I were to wait before pulling over, I would either remain alive (because the 'serial killer' would continue driving off) or have an interesting story to tell the police officers. So either way is a win. 

This goes along with what I have been discussing as this blog continues on. Is to trust yourself and that feeling you get when something does or does not feel right. It never steers you wrong, we just loose the ability to see what it is telling us. But everything takes practice, so we need to stop and listen and feel and then DO what it is telling us. 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Day 124

I just finished watching a movie, which was really good…except the ending. It's funny how when we invest time in watching a movie, we want the ending to turn out a certain way..generally for me it's always a happy ending! 

When we see a movie, and it doesn't live up to our expectations, we get disappointed and feel like it's a 'crap' movie. But isn't it the journey and story of the movie, that has held our captivation? Should we judge a movie purely on the ending?

This got me onto thinking about life and the journey we take through it, it's not the ending that tells us if we have lead a 'good' or 'crap' life - but the events and journey that we have had along the way. And when something 'ends', something else new begins. When we think about movies, we always want the best outcome - which is also true of real life, but as we all know, is not always the case. 

What happens when you are on your journey and you do get what you want - the 'happy ending'. Which in itself is a funny term, because you haven't really 'ended' yet have you? Do you celebrate, have a feel good, happy dance..then what? Do we reflect, acknowledge and appreciate it? I also think when you see a movie where the ending is not what you wanted or expected, you think about it a lot more, discuss it, and recommend other people to watch it to see their thoughts. In real life the best lessons learnt are the ones where the outcome of what we are working for is different than what we expected.

So next time you think you are at the ending that you didn't expect, have a think about what you have learnt along the way. And when things turn out the way you wanted or better than expected, make sure you also spend the time to reflect and appreciate the journey. 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Friday, October 10, 2014

Day 123

Christmas! I know it still seems like its MILES away…But 10weeks is not long! I'm sooo excited! I love Christmas!

A lot of people I talk to are much like "Oh I don't like it" or "It's just a commercial thing" or "I can't afford christmas". To this I respond that Christmas is not about giving expensive gifts or getting caught up in the 'commercial' sense. Christmas is what you make it. I love giving presents and start shopping from new year! But aside from that Christmas time (not just the 'day') is the opportunity to spend quality time with my friends and family and let them know how much my appreciate them. And the christmas carols all tell a sweet story, and have a catchy tune, I love a Christmas sing-a-long!!

The responses I get when I say how much I LOVE Christmas fascinates me. Do you truly believe that it is a commercial, made-up holiday? If so, do you still give presents, set up a christmas tree and have a big dinner? Have you really sat down and reflected upon what Christmas means to you? Or is it a knee-jerk response? It's interesting how often we will say things that society has deemed to be 'normal' and not give it a thought. 

My thought is - regardless of religion, family or society influences or any other outside opinions - for you to stop and reflect what Christmas time means to you. Do you like the fact you get 2 weeks off work for a break? Does it truly not mean anything to you? If it doesn't - why? Is that really your opinion or someone else's? Be careful that your opinions and morals aren't swayed or made in response to outside influence. 

Take some time - not just about Christmas but about all aspects in your life- to stop and get in touch with what you believe in. 

…Until Tomorrow xox

Day 122

You may of noticed I’ve been a bit M.I.A. this week. It’s not because I haven’t wanted to write, but because I have just had one of those weeks. I have mostly changed my outlook on life and are much more positive and am able to appreciate the little things much more than I could before my accident. This week however I had regressed, back in anxiety, stress and exhaustion. And what my lovely boyfriend said to me was “You’re not going to suddenly be rid of the habits or things you were so use to be doing, straight away”.

It’s so true. How often do we think – yep! I’m doing awesomely…I don’t (smoke, drink, party, eat fast food etc any more) but then if we regress back to the old habit - suddenly we have failed. Where in life’s book does it say that it’s not ok to regress? Or make the same error twice? No where. Because quite simply – life is a big long journey and you are able to make mistakes and errors and IT IS OK!

Try telling that to yourself though, when you are prone to trying to be perfect (which is preposterous because perfectionism only exists in the mind) and are not ok with mistakes. This I have found, is most people. Most people will look at things they have or have not done or said and turn it over and over examining each angle. We are our own worst critic. Some criticism on our behaviour is beneficial, however most is detrimental.

We should be kinder on ourselves. Of course we all ‘know’ that. But how do we make this happen? It took me 3 days, but what I realized was I hadn’t meditated in over a week. I hadn’t taken time away from those thoughts to be able to think, act and make decisions clearly. We need to meditate or have a break from even ourselves everyday.

Once I had taken 15 minutes on Wednesday, I dramatically felt better. I was still exhausted, but able to get work done, be decisive and kinder on myself. What do you do to take time away from the world?

…Until Tomorrow xox