Sunday, December 7, 2014

Day 152

Last week was a "busy" week. One where I have almost fully returned to work or "normality" and hence I have been much more tired. It's been challenging because I feel like I 'should' be back to full energy and full capacity. But I'm still not there yet - no matter how much I try to trick myself into it, or pretend that I am. 

This makes it hard when I cancel or say no to doing things with people. As at the moment I am working hard to return back to full working capacity so unfortunately there are some things that have to be missed. It's not an easy thing either - obviously it's not something that I WANT to do. And when I hear people joke about me not doing something or 'always' pulling out at the last minute, it's hard to stomach. I also don't feel like explaining myself - as it probably wouldn't be understood or get anywhere. 

I understand to a point because I am starting to look normal - I'm walking normally, have more of my 'excited' happy mentality. That it would be right to assume I am back to being Megs…Not quite right … yet!!

Something I have learnt hugely this week, is that when you are going through something life changing, sometimes you will be focussing more on certain areas such as rehab, work or self care and that it is ok not to do everything, and others will understand..if they don't..well what can you do to change that? And the other thing is you will fall back into old patterns. You can identify and change them more quickly though. 

One of the hardest things sort of being back to normal, sort of not, is the frustration at not being able to do things they way you once could. Like running, or working a 12 hour day, or ticking everything off your to-do list. But one of the positive things that it has shown me is patience. It is ok for things to take their time to come back. "All good things come to those that wait"…!

…Until Tomorrow xox

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