Thursday, June 11, 2015

Day 228

"Tomorrow is a new day" How often do we hear this term? What does it mean? How many of us can truly let go of the day before to start the following day a-fresh? Not many, I bet, particularly after talking to so many different people over the last few days who have told me that 'work has kept me up at night' or 'I can't stop thinking about...'. 

Oh I am totally guilty of this. Worrying about if what I had said or did to someone in haste was taken the wrong way..etc. This week has been tough for me. Tough on so many levels personally and professionally. It's hard for me to describe to people what I am going through, so instead it comes out as whinging, complaining or this week - being angry. Anger is not an emotion I am comfortable with nor is it one that I feel or express often, so that too is added to the learning and difficulty of the week. 

This week I have been plagued with chronic pain, nightmares, anxiety, flashbacks, lack of sleep, work pressure and stressful circumstances at work. I say this to paint a picture of my day-to-day's this week. Often if I start to discuss my pain or nightmares I am faced with initial sympathy...then 'tomorrow is a new day' or 'let's hope tonight is different'. I also say these responses - as when someone is going through something tough, what do you say?? And I appreciate it. When I start to tease it out though, sometimes no matter how positive I am, I understand that the next day may be just the same as the day before. The only difference will be is how I look at it, or how I approach it. (In regards to the pain, etc).

Tonight I went to a new GP, I needed to discuss my pain management and why I was experiencing so much more at the moment. I waited for over an hour to see him, then was pleasantly surprised as he spent over 45minutes discussing options and also linking many things that have been happening at the moment. The nightmares were due to my medication, my pain increase just happens sometimes in trauma so he gave me new medication, my angriness and ability to cope were perhaps both a result of lack of sleep and increased anxiety. He was someone who listened and explained things in a way I needed to today. 

So, yes, tomorrow is a new day. What does that mean? That means we, or I, have the power to view things differently. I have the choice to make tomorrow a better day than today. One that, whilst I may still be experiencing all of the above, I may see joy, happiness and fun in. 

Only you can decide how life events affect YOU, noone else can make you feel anything. 

...Until Tomorrow xox

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