Over-explaining. This goes along the lines of the "blame, shame or justify" principals. It's something I've been noticing a lot lately. And have picked myself up a few times with it.
Most people tend to over-explain when they have something uncomfortable to discuss. For example you need to tell someone you work with that there has been a complaint made about them…something along the lines of…"Hey…I need to talk to you…" then later "How are you…How's your day been…I'm sorry to do this, but management has asked me to tell you…I'm sure there's nothing in it…but I have to tell you anyway…I really like working with you and don't think it could possibly be true…but ____ has said that you _____ last week. But I'm sure its nothing…"
How confusing! And..if I was on the receiving end of that, I'd be thinking there was something seriously wrong!! The better way to go about it would be "Hey, can we talk for a sec. I have been asked to let you know that ____ has said that you ____ last week, and has spoken with management about it, and you need to arrange a time to speak with management yourself." Clear and confident!!
I have heard before that you can talk someone in and out of something many times in the course of one conversation. So it really is better to know what you are going to say and be really clear about it. Have a script if you need to!! But don't babble! And listen to what the other person says. If they say "yep no worries", leave it at that, don't continue to offer explanations that aren't need or perhaps wanted!!
It takes practice, but being aware of what you are doing is the first step!! :)
…Until Tomorrow xox
SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER TO SAY YOUR PIECE, STOP, THEN LISTEN TO WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS SAYING.