Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Day 94

Today I did things reverse. I looked for quotes to base my blog around, instead of finding quotes that support my blog. And it's interesting when you go looking for quotes or images that there tends to be a theme on any given day as to sings and resinates to you. For me today I kept looking at quotes about hitting rock bottom and where you go from there. 

I feel that I shouldn't say I have hit rock bottom, because my circumstances weren't as horrific as some peoples are. But I guess everything is relative and for me, the 'life' that I knew was taken away from me when I had an accident that I could of died in. I was injured and I had lost my car. I needed to be responsible for my own health care and finding out what was wrong, as circumstances meant that my family was tied up in other ways, and the local health care system did not have my faith. 

My first month or so was very challenging. The normal life I lead had gone. I no longer had a car, so I had lost my independence. I no longer had my full health so I lost the ability to physically train, but more than that I was also unable to work. I could not train dogs, I could not go to Nutrimetics, or disability work, or even social outings. It got to the point where I had felt I had lost identity. All of the things that I thought identified me as me, were gone. Then, I was put on a base wage from TAC, which covered my rent. Lucky I had some savings to cover my initial medical bills. But that quickly dwindled. 

I guess for the first time ever in my life I could identify the feeling of being 'low'. Then through this blog, meditation and counselling I began to work through some of these feelings. And as my phychologist said, I was quickly put on planet WTF. Taken from a 'normal' life to a debilitating, different one in the blink of an eye. It's actually harder than I thought to write about this tonight, but I wanted to paint the picture of where I was at and how proud I am to be where I am today. For although I have always been a positive person, it hasn't been a quick or easy road to be here!

My road to recovery is still going. I am still finding out answers to my health, I have days that I need to spend sleeping in bed, 'little' things tire me easily, I am still unable to run or exercise the way I'd like to, I am not at full capacity at work yet. And I don't know when all of this will ease and I will be back to my "normal" state. But what I do have is a new appreciation for the little things. An ability to be proud of my accomplishments without always looking too far in the future. The love and wonder of the world. Being able to smile and laugh and attract the people who I want into my life. 

As horrific and as low as having a car accident was for me. There was also a silver lining. I was able to spend quality time with my family. And I was able to do some real life reevaluations. I now feel like I am on the path that was meant for me. Things are falling into place and I am slowly rebuilding my life they way that I want it to be. That's not to say that it's always easy, but by maintaining a positive outlook I have been able to set myself up to achieve the best things I can for myself. 

My journey is only just beginning. But the power of hitting rock bottom and coming back from that is an amazing and beautiful thing. Achievements which previously would have almost been insignificant now hold a different weight and are wonderful. I hope that none of you need to hit rock bottom to realise that you are the author to your own life story. You can make changes today that will make tomorrow more beautiful. 

…Until Tomorrow xox

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